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Here's something silly! Because I've been taking so many potshots at the boys' clothes lately... all self-inserty and strange.
Title: The Funky Fashion Don't
Characters: Sephiroth, Lazard, Angeal, Zack.
Word Count: 703
Rating: PG
"Lazard, are you hurt?"
Lazard pushed himself off the floor. "I don't think so. What was that?"
Sephiroth rubbed the strain out of his neck. "Felt like an Ardwynna Summon. They're exceptionally annoying but mostly harmless." He felt the difference as soon as he began to move in earnest. He stopped and took a good look at himself. "Oh, that's just beautiful," he grumbled.
"What is?" Lazard blinked and then caught sight of himself. Where before there had been a finely tailored suit of the finest silk and cashmere blends, there was something that looked as if it had come from the bottom of a grad student's laundry heap. Well-faded blue jeans, an old oversized sweater in a mottley of greys and greens and a long white coat with a mixture of suspicious stains creeping up the sleeves.
"Oh, goodness..." Lazard hazarded a sniff at the coat and fell back retching. There was a soap smell there and something like cheap air freshener, all failing the mask the most foul, putrid, gag-worthy stench he had ever come across. "What in the world is that?" He was almost shrieking as he writhed like a dying snake to get the ratty lab coat off.
Sephiroth was taking things marginally better, though he did look a trifle green in the face. "Formaldehyde, I think. Nasty stuff. The smell never really goes away."
Lazard shot across the room as fast as he was able to get away from the revolting coat. "And you say I'm a bad dresser?" He tugged at the worn sweater. "There's no excusing this."
Sephiroth shrugged. "The jeans do hug your hips nicely, if nothing else." He yanked the cheap wooden chopsticks out of his hair and glanced down at the blue sneakers that came with the whole deal. They weren't bad. For a girl. He sighed and began to strip. "Just toss it all in a heap for now. We can requisition some basic uniforms to wear out of the building." He hid it better than Lazard, but he was just as upset. Leather suits did not come cheap and he had no fond memories associated with formaldehyde stench. He glanced up at Lazard, who stood shivering in the corner wearing only his shorts.
Sephiroth kicked the pile under the emergency sprinkler and was getting ready to flash fry it all when his cell phone rang.
"Sephiroth!" Angeal hollered from his end. "Did you get hit by an Ard Summon?"
"Yes, just a bit of minor unpleasantness this time, but when I find out who's responsible..."
"Never mind that for now," Angeal cut in. "It's causing some trouble over here." Sephiroth arched an eyebrow at the phone. In the background, there seemed to be some growling and snuffling noises. "Hey, now, gimme that!" Angeal was saying. The growling got worse. "You can't keep it!"
"Angeal?" Sephiroth asked. "Have you gotten yourself a dog?"
"No," the man sounded exasperated. "It's that trainee of mine. Did the summon dress you up in a filthy lab coat?"
"Yes, and I'm getting ready to burn everything right now. I suggest you do the same."
"I'm trying," Angeal snorted, "but the boy won't let go of the sweaters."
"But Angeeeaaal..." A plaintive whine came from the phone. "They're so soft and fluffy and warm."
"I don't care how soft and fluffy they are!" Angeal growled. "We are not keeping them around. You know green things attract the summon more!"
"But we got hit this time and didn't even have anything green with us. Besides, I don't mind if the summon gives me more fluffy sweaters."
"Zack, we are not keeping them and that is final!"
"But Angeal!"
Sephiroth shut his phone off. Angeal would have to work that one out on his own. He turned back to the business at hand only to find the heap a bit smaller. "What the-" He looked up.
Lazard was wrapped up in both green sweaters, nestling himself into his chair and snuggling - snuggling - into the sleeves.
"Lazard, what do you think you're doing?"
"It's cold in here, General, and these are so soft and fluffy."
Sephiroth grit his teeth. Apparently the effects were lingering. "Damn that summon!"
For the record, Formaldehyde stench can be gotten rid off if you sort of boil your clothes with detergent... and I still have the sweater. It just occurred to me that any time I've drawn myself lately it's always been in the same icky lab gear, which I actually haven't worn in a year at this point. At least I have a consistent self-image. ;P
Title: The Funky Fashion Don't
Characters: Sephiroth, Lazard, Angeal, Zack.
Word Count: 703
Rating: PG
"Lazard, are you hurt?"
Lazard pushed himself off the floor. "I don't think so. What was that?"
Sephiroth rubbed the strain out of his neck. "Felt like an Ardwynna Summon. They're exceptionally annoying but mostly harmless." He felt the difference as soon as he began to move in earnest. He stopped and took a good look at himself. "Oh, that's just beautiful," he grumbled.
"What is?" Lazard blinked and then caught sight of himself. Where before there had been a finely tailored suit of the finest silk and cashmere blends, there was something that looked as if it had come from the bottom of a grad student's laundry heap. Well-faded blue jeans, an old oversized sweater in a mottley of greys and greens and a long white coat with a mixture of suspicious stains creeping up the sleeves.
"Oh, goodness..." Lazard hazarded a sniff at the coat and fell back retching. There was a soap smell there and something like cheap air freshener, all failing the mask the most foul, putrid, gag-worthy stench he had ever come across. "What in the world is that?" He was almost shrieking as he writhed like a dying snake to get the ratty lab coat off.
Sephiroth was taking things marginally better, though he did look a trifle green in the face. "Formaldehyde, I think. Nasty stuff. The smell never really goes away."
Lazard shot across the room as fast as he was able to get away from the revolting coat. "And you say I'm a bad dresser?" He tugged at the worn sweater. "There's no excusing this."
Sephiroth shrugged. "The jeans do hug your hips nicely, if nothing else." He yanked the cheap wooden chopsticks out of his hair and glanced down at the blue sneakers that came with the whole deal. They weren't bad. For a girl. He sighed and began to strip. "Just toss it all in a heap for now. We can requisition some basic uniforms to wear out of the building." He hid it better than Lazard, but he was just as upset. Leather suits did not come cheap and he had no fond memories associated with formaldehyde stench. He glanced up at Lazard, who stood shivering in the corner wearing only his shorts.
Sephiroth kicked the pile under the emergency sprinkler and was getting ready to flash fry it all when his cell phone rang.
"Sephiroth!" Angeal hollered from his end. "Did you get hit by an Ard Summon?"
"Yes, just a bit of minor unpleasantness this time, but when I find out who's responsible..."
"Never mind that for now," Angeal cut in. "It's causing some trouble over here." Sephiroth arched an eyebrow at the phone. In the background, there seemed to be some growling and snuffling noises. "Hey, now, gimme that!" Angeal was saying. The growling got worse. "You can't keep it!"
"Angeal?" Sephiroth asked. "Have you gotten yourself a dog?"
"No," the man sounded exasperated. "It's that trainee of mine. Did the summon dress you up in a filthy lab coat?"
"Yes, and I'm getting ready to burn everything right now. I suggest you do the same."
"I'm trying," Angeal snorted, "but the boy won't let go of the sweaters."
"But Angeeeaaal..." A plaintive whine came from the phone. "They're so soft and fluffy and warm."
"I don't care how soft and fluffy they are!" Angeal growled. "We are not keeping them around. You know green things attract the summon more!"
"But we got hit this time and didn't even have anything green with us. Besides, I don't mind if the summon gives me more fluffy sweaters."
"Zack, we are not keeping them and that is final!"
"But Angeal!"
Sephiroth shut his phone off. Angeal would have to work that one out on his own. He turned back to the business at hand only to find the heap a bit smaller. "What the-" He looked up.
Lazard was wrapped up in both green sweaters, nestling himself into his chair and snuggling - snuggling - into the sleeves.
"Lazard, what do you think you're doing?"
"It's cold in here, General, and these are so soft and fluffy."
Sephiroth grit his teeth. Apparently the effects were lingering. "Damn that summon!"
For the record, Formaldehyde stench can be gotten rid off if you sort of boil your clothes with detergent... and I still have the sweater. It just occurred to me that any time I've drawn myself lately it's always been in the same icky lab gear, which I actually haven't worn in a year at this point. At least I have a consistent self-image. ;P
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-11-05 04:39 pm (UTC)From:Mental note: Ardwynna seems to have a strange fixation with green things.
--
Lazard: General, I've been meaning to ask about your uniform--
Seph: What would YOU know, Lazard?
Lazard lapsed into silence with a sniff, but when Zack chimed in with, "You know, black is always an option, sir," Sephiroth had the sudden, sinking sensation that that summons HAD done something after all.
The hall mirror revealed his usual attire. But not in black. A pastel pink coat fluttered around him, his chest was criss-crossed with lavender straps, and his shoulder armor sparkled with glitter. Worse, his midriff was now guarded with plate that Hello Kitty's grinning white face emblazoned on front and center. Even Masamune was now decked in pink and purple, with a matching "Hello Kitty" tassel hanging off the hilt.
Seph: Dammit, not again!
no subject
Date: 2007-11-06 04:14 am (UTC)From:Yes... I do have a terrible fixation with the green. My carpet, my curtains, my toothbrushes, I pick green dishwashing liquid first, maybe one third of my wardrobe, I just want leafy, outdoor colors inside. I realized it was nuts a couple months ago when I ended up at an ice cream parlor in a spring green dress, a green mini backpack and a KIWI parfait in front of me, that I hadn't even registered except as 'sounds yummy'. And Japan has melon soda which is utterly divine.>_>
====
Fingers... twitching... terribly... Must DRAW!!!
Seriously, I think I could kill to see that! But I promised someone a banner first and I got a sharp deadline I kind of skated on. Yikes.
no subject
Date: 2007-11-06 06:11 am (UTC)From:http://i.somethingawful.com//sasbi/2006/09/jumpman16/kizeesh.jpg
which was my wallpaper for a while until it got replaced by your "Defiant." ^^
Actually, I love that whole thread.
http://www.somethingawful.com/d/comedy-goldmine/motivational-posters-for.php?page=1
no subject
Date: 2007-11-06 06:25 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2007-11-05 11:06 pm (UTC)From:...I just like the image that played out of Lazard in his underwear hugging on to comfy sweaters.
no subject
Date: 2007-11-06 07:15 am (UTC)From:Lazard in shorts is yum, yes. XD Makes for a whole 'nother kind of booty call.
no subject
Date: 2007-11-07 11:28 am (UTC)From:Oh dear. I remember doing a MSN role play to dress Sephiroth up and he ended up being put into a bright purple yokosuka jacket (http://homepage3.nifty.com/rockfield/page019.html) with leopard print on the inner layer.
no subject
Date: 2007-11-07 01:52 pm (UTC)From:O_o Was there alcohol involved? He must have looked like some strange kind of pimp.
no subject
Date: 2007-11-08 04:34 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2007-11-08 05:01 am (UTC)From:It's wrong... but in a good way. ;D